White Trash Balls - Disclosed

Persistent Peeps have been posing questions about my Thanksgiving Bash White Trash Balls recipe. 
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Normally I would shrug these types of requests away as just another of the hundreds of incursions that I receive everyday from Peeps who want some shred of recognition from the Mountain of a Man.
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But these requests are so diverse and widespread... from people like Superpeep Brian Butler, Ruthie Bollen from the old Neighborhood, and Kelly Light of Upstate New York Site Aquisition fame.... that I can't just brush them off as if they were regular rank and file common irritants.
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As I find myself weakened and compromised, I hereby disclose the coveted Nanepashemet recipe for.....
WHITE TRASH BALLS.
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Please follow this recipe closely... step by step... or don't even try it at all.  WTB's are serious Bash party food.
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Begin by washing your hands thoroughly.  Really get under the fingernails, and then don't go scratching anything before you start cooking.
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Using a Cuisinart Food Processor, add three cups of white flour to the mixing bowl.  I prefer bleached white flour like Pillsbury which has been so processed that a nutrient wouldn't  stand a chance to be found.  We're talking WTB's here.... not freaking health food.
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Next add a teaspoon of salt to the flour, followed by three quarters of a stick of salted butter.  Make sure it is salted because the unsalted butter doesn't taste as good, and it you are going to clog up your arterys with butter, it might as well be the good tasting stuff.
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Put the lid on the Cuisinart bowl and pulse the dry mixture a few times.  If you leave the lid off, you will have flour all over the freaking kitchen, so that is an important step.   I always feel bad when I forget to do this, and then Joanne has all that clean up to do.
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Take a coffee mug and fill it with ice cubes, then fill to the brim with cold water.
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In another coffee cup, place a packet of self rising yeast in and fill half way with luke warm water.  The water should be just warm to the touch.   Then add a tablespoon of white or brown sugar.  Stir with a spoon and set this mixture aside.   The yeast will come to life with the water and start feeding on the sugar.  In about three minutes, a foam will form on the top of this mixture.   I guess you could say the this is the climax of a young yeast life.
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If you're done with that mental picture, take the coffee cup with the ice cubes and pour the water into the cup with the yeast mixture, using your fingers to strain the ice.  Now aren't you glad you didn't scratch yourself?
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Start pulsing the dry flour mixture and  slowly pour the combined liquid slowing into the open tube on the Cuisinart cover.  This dribble should take about a minute.   Then contine to pulse the flour and the liquid for a minute or so until it transforms into dough and pulls away from the sides of the Cuisinart bowl.
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Take this dough ball out, but it into a mixing bowl and cover the bowl with cellphane wrap that you have sprayed with Pam non- stick spray.
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For the Bash, I repeat this about three times and put all of the dough into the freezer until the morning of the Bash.   Then take the dough out and let it rise.
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Fill a turkey fryer or lobster kettle with peanut oil about a third of the height of the pot.
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I use the turkey fryer but you can use your stove to get the oil heated to 375 degrees.   This is important so use a thermometer..  If it is less, the balls will be greasy, and if it is hotter, the balls will be burnt.   There is nothing worse than greasy balls.... or burnt balls.
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Now is where the importance of clean hands comes in.  Pick small pieces of the dough, work it into small balls and carefully place in the 375 degree oil.  If the balls are too big, they will expand and be undercooked in the middle.   A freaking gross white trash ball.
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Let the balls brown nicely on one side... about three minutes, then turn them and let them finish browning for another two minutes or so.   I use gloves because the oil tends to splatter, then hurts like hell on your hands and forearms.
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When they are a nice golden color, remove them and place in a bowl with paper towers, drizzle with powdered sugar or sugar and cinnamon.
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I've found that the Peeps at the Bash seem to enjoy their White Trash Balls more after six beers or so.
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My lawyers advised me to deny this recipe to you, but I'm pretty judgement proof after all of the legal fees I've paid them, so I figure.... what the hell.  If you want to sue me... get in line.
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And don't eat too many White Trash Balls in one sitting.

Geary C said...

Sounds like you are very confident in the quality and purpose of our balls.

A Sprayed Finish

If I told you how much I have paid for paint sprayers over the years... I'm sure you would lose respect for me.... given there is any left.

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I'm not going to tell you all the money I've dropped on these machines, because Joanne occasionally reads this pathetic Blog and I don't want her to know.   But I'll tell you this much.  It was a freaking whole lot.

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I've been a fan of spraypainters ever since I was the Executive Director of the Lynn Housing Authority, bought a sprayer, and found out that you could spray out an apartment in two days... compared to the 10+ days that it was then taking.  So I fired one of the painters and named the paint sprayer after him.  And then threatened to fire more and name more sprayers unless production tightened up.... which it did.
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Course the unions and the politicians jumped all over me for this brash act.... but now I'm veering off topic.

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The fact is... I hate to freaking paint. But the boats and the furniture that I like to build requires a great finish or its not worth the time building that stuff.  And to get the best finish, you really have to spray multi light coats.  Plus spray painting is way faster.  So I've suffered along with unpredictable HVLP sprayers until now.

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Went to Harbor Freight, and saw an automotive High Volume Low Pressure (HVLP) spray paint gun that worked off of 35 PSI on the compressor.  And it was only $49 Bucks.  So I took a flyer and bought yet another sprayer.
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But the freaking thing works like a charm.  Just sprayed the second coat of unthinned Minwax Satin Polyurethane on the bookcases that I built to hide the elevator door at the Sundance house, and it was the best spraying experience that I have ever experienced.

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No drips or leaks from the gun, a fine and predictable spray, and a smooth and even finish.  A nice purchase from Harbor Freight Tools.

Joe Pa and Pedophilia

I've been trying to sort out this Penn State pedophilia situation for a while.
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Consider Joe Paterno.  He coaches a major college football team for 46 years until he is 84 years old.   His heir apparent, Jerry Sandusky is deposed in 1999, at the prime of his coaching life, age 55 with allegations of child abuse.   Yet he forms a program for disadvantaged youth, with a ready supply of pedophilia victims and uses the football facilities of the Penn State Campus!
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Paterno controls every facet of the program and just won't retire.  Could it be that he knew of the timebomb and wanted to control as much as he could for as long as he could?
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Consider pedophilia.  A grown man despicably sodomizes a young boy, causing a lifetime of psychological harm.... all for the momentary release of the Perv.  Sandusky should be hanged by his nuts.
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Like 90% of you Peeps, I'm a practicing heterosexual.   But just because I have heterosexual urges, I don't seek out little girls to rape.  That is immoral and criminal.  Why can't  these Pedophiles control their urges as well?
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String up the asshole.  And string up anyone who gave him the open environment to fuck with innocent kids.

dougmaxfield said...

String up anyone who caught him in the act and didn't beat him to death.

BYC Bound

We're getting ready to head over to the Boston Yacht Club for dinner with Dale and Gail Johnson.
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For you peeps outside of the area, the BYC is on Front Street in Old Town Marblehead on the Harbor.... not in Boston for whatever heritage clad reason.
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It's about time that we horrified the Yankees... plus my bill from the summer is paid in full so nobody will be dunning me while I'm ordering my VO and Cranberry.
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Actually, we've never received any snooty attitudes from the people at the BYC.  Always very cordial and friendly.  Course, I'm usually loading up on beer and cocktails when we're down there, so maybe I can't really tell.
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But I really don't think we aggravate our fellow Clubbers too much.  And the food and the wait staff are top rate.

Perry Brain Fart

I feel bad for the  brain fart exhibited by Gov. Rick Perry in the Presidential Debate.
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Been there, Done that.
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It has happened to me in public speaking situations where you split into two consciousnesses.  One is trying to speak to topic and no facts are forthcoming... and the other is watching you go though this and realizing that you are totally screwed.

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One time I was able to recover by just saying that I was nervous and needed time to compose myself.  The audience was surprizingly accommodating, and when I came to my senses, I actually gave a pretty good presentation.
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For the most part, I have overcome my phobia of public speaking and generally do a good job.... even an inspirational one from time to time.  Once my boss at General Dyanimics said that I gave the best presentation that he ever saw at a national account pitch in Chicago.  Funny because I wasn't that impressed.  Course he turned out to be a real dildo anyway.  We won the job and he ultimately screwed it up.  Corporate Doublespeak Wunderkind.
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But... to get back on topic... The insidious part of a brainfart is that you never know when it will attack.  
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I probably won't be throwing the Nanepashemet Presidential endorsement to Perry.   But his brainfart has nothing to do with it.

Corroborating Evidence

OK.... I'm sure a decent amount of you secretly thought that I sounded like a pussy complaining about the Patriots game last Sunday.
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Well, just so you know... this Mountain of a Man is no FREAKING PUSSY!
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As it turns out, Jimmy O'Shea got himself checked out by a physician, and the outcome was that he  suffered a concussion from the moron who landed on his head while I was sitting right next to him.  I thought Jimmy looked kind of out of it... now I know that he really was.

TommyO said...

I have been going to games for almost twenty years. This was the worst experience ever. From the moment we left the tailgate to go to the stadium, there were long lines, pushing and shoving, obnoxious people, drunken morons, classless chuckleheads with no sense of common courtesy. the game sucked, the traffic was brutal. Unless it is a playoff game I am going to pass on going to any game unless it is Sunday at ONE. I am glad the M of a M was there with my bro''s so it wasn't a total waste of 12 hours of my life!

Lucky Numbers

Tomorrow is November 11, 2011.  11/11/11.
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It's no big deal.  Has to do when somebody set up the calendar, two thousand skaty-eight years ago or so.
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There's a whole big thing about names and numbers, and while no logic is behind it, a lot of people, including your own Mountain of a Man, pays attention to it.
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When my son Mike was born, we had already picked out the name Kevin to name him.  But I had a weird feeling at the last minute and we ended up naming him Michael.  Course he turned out pretty good, so maybe it was the right move.  No way to say.
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And for a decent amount of time, I used to wake up and the digital clock would be all ones with 11:11 PM or 1:11 AM.  This happened night after night, and I always would say a little prayer of thanks to God for all of my blessings and would ask for certain things that I won't be disclosing to you now.
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What would make me wake up at that time and check the clock night after night??? I don't know either.  Freaking Creepy.
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But tomorrow, when I look at the calendar, I'll probably say a little prayer.  Can't hurt.

Blog Rank

As of February 2011 there were over 156 million public blogs in existence.
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Your very own Nanepashemet Blog is ranked 18,421 by Wikio.
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That puts us in the top 1%.
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Which most people would be satisfied with.... but not here. We won't rest until we are ranked #1 with all the money, power and prestige that it entails.
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As it is... we have plenty of power and prestige. Still working on the money part though.

Stepping Down

Peeps... I don't mean to disappoint you.... but you won't see me ever running for political office... now or forever.
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Can you imagine the lines of losers who would be accusing me of all types of harassment and assault?   They would have to install turnstiles and use card readers to process them all.
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First of all, let me categorically deny each and every bogus claim that they make.... before they make them.
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I didn't do it... I swear.   And even if I did... I don't remember it.  
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There is a vast conspiracy to sabotage my candidacy and to downgrade my status as a legitimate living Mountain of a Man legend.
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So to pre-empt all of the lies, innuendoes, and finger pointing.... I'll just end my candidacy before it even starts.
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Sometimes being a Mountain of a Man means that you sidestep landing on shit before everything begins to stink.

Shut Off

I predict this Herman Cain sexual assault stuff will backfire.
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After seeing the first of his accusers come forward, I definitely sense some scamming going on.  And even if Cain made a pass at this bimbo, she admits that he backed off when she expressed her unwillingness.  Correct me if I'm wrong.... but unless you take the next step and force someone to act against their will... you are only behaving like a normal horny sexually active human being.
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Like Clinton, Kennedy and virtually every non-eunuch that I know.
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If making a pass is a crime, then there are virtually 100% criminals running around.  That's why.. unless you were just trying to sink Cain.... I doubt that you can condemn him.
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He says he's been happily married for 40 years, so if he cheated on his wife, that would suck... but it isn't a crime.  All of these accusations seem to come 14 years later.  Maybe he was going through a bad patch.
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For me personally, I would still vote for Kennedy.... even though he was diddling anything he could sneak into a back door.   He was still a great President and Leader.   If Cain's accusers are correct, he's going through all this and still came up short of a score because he apparently backed off and respected the wishes of  his accusers.   That's not sexual assault.  That's just being shut off.
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And if these accusers are a scam... that is dangerous.   Because you can imagine what will be in store for Obama if the gloves are going to come off this way.

Dash to the Bash

Only 17 days to the Bash.  Seems hard to believe.  This one is the first in the Sundance house.
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Naturally, I'd like the house to look as nice as possible, although all of the renovations since we moved in are far from complete.   I'm pushing to complete a shelving system in the dining area that will hide the elevator door which is a bit unsightly.  Then we'll try to paint and patch as much as possible.
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But the Bash isn't about trying to impress people with the Sundance House.
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It's about celebrating another year of being together with our friends and the special peeps who we think about, and cheer for, and worry about all year long.
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We'll be ready for that.

NFL Action

When you go to an NFL football game, you expect to see hard hits and bodies flying.  There was plenty of that yesterday in Foxboro on the field as well as where we sat.  The grade of the nosebleed seats had people flipping over seats with regularity.   Fans in fullgainer mode....  catching air on the stairs and landing on both empty and occupied seats.   Jimmy O'Shea, sitting next to me, was both on the giving and receiving end in separate incidents.
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There should be a Government mandated warning printed on NFL Tickets... Something like.... "The Surgeon General warns you that tailgating and attending this game may be harmful to your health."
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Met some nice people though, although they had a tendency to screech "Fuck You", "You Suck", and "De-Fense" at the top of their lungs.  It was a nice part of the overall charm. 
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To Mike... the guy sitting four seats down in the row behind me.....  you are a true douche bag who deserves to eat shit and die.  Shut the FUCK UP!.  And to the polite Middle Eastern guy who kept wanting us to stand so that he could pass to take a piss or get another bag of french fries for the 15th time.... you have no idea how close you came to a violent face smashing.
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But, the O'Shea brothers were excellently adept at setting up a tailgate encampment and serving up an incredible array of  food in the midst of a successful Bags match.  After a refreshing four hour stop and go drive back to Marblehead, I was safely in the rocking fetal position by midnight in my own bed.
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BTW. the Pats lost the game because their "DE-FENSE" couldn't stop the Giants from marching 80 yards down the field and scoring in the last 1:39 minutes of play.  So all of that screeching didn't do much.

TommyO said...
Great having you..
Sometimes things go real smooth and most of the time folks are well behaved, this was not one of those times. I've been doing this 17 years, never had so much crap happen in one day. It's been about 31 since we saw a regular season loss. TommyO