Christmas Shopping Salvation

OK Peeps.

~

In a magnanimous effort help you with your pathetic attempts at Christmas shopping.... I'm going to make it easy for you.... plus, these are the classiest gifts this side of the Pecos.

Tommy McMahon Commemorative Peep of the Year UniSex V Neck T - a steal at $21.90.
Official Nanepashemet Atty Jeremy Johnson Y front Wannabee Boxers - only $17.74.
Official Nanepashemet Tommy O Taking Out the Trash Bathrobe - unheard of price of $39.88.
Official Nanepashemet Mountain of a Man Couch Potato Pants - giving them away at $28.90.
Official Nanepashemet Tuna Lips Skull Cap  - underpriced at $18.90.

Just click on the links and order to your hearts content.
~

Since most of the guys at the Indonesian sweat shop that manufactures these fine garments are Muslims, there is no slowdown during the holiday season.  So production is kicking along like a MoFo.

~

There is a lot of other cool stuff in the store also.

John Forbes Kerry said...

Where can I gut me a Tuna lips Skullcap?

______________________________________________
You would certainly stike a figure on your Rhode Island yacht with the TL logo stuck on your forehead, Senator.   Have your people contact me and I will cut a bulk deal for you, Heinzy, and the rest of your crew.

500 Point Blessing.

The Dow Jones Stock Market Average rose by 500 points yesterday.
~
Isn't it funny that when the stock market increases, it gets far less play than if it drops?
~
If the market plunged by 500 points, it would have been major headlines.
~
People tend to whine about problems much more than count their blessings.

Chasing Cain

If you want to get on the TV news, have a deer run through your home of business and get it on film.  The second most popular technique seems to be saying that Herman Cain made a pass at you.

~

Both methods are highly successful and good for a news story every week or so.

~

Both are also only possible due to the high levels of communication in this internet, information age.

~

Deer have been crashing into buildings for years, but surveillance cameras are relatively new.  And politicians have been trying to get laid for quite a while as well, but it has never been so widely reported.  

~

I don't care too much about the deer, but the politicians part has me perplexed.  If we rejected our leaders due to their sexual proclivities, we never would have had guys like John Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Franklin Roosevelt, Dwight Eisenhower, and Bill Clinton wielding positions of power.

~

Now if Herman Cain smashed through a store window chasing a deer..... that would be real news.

Out of the Haze

It was time to break out of the Thanksgiving Holiday Haze today, and I think I pulled it off.  The key was to touch all of the outstanding projects and get responses and inquiries out on everything.  Then the emails and phone calls kick in in response to your action and it is off to the races.
~
By 1:30 PM or so, it was like you never took a four day eating and drinking overindulgence binge with virturally no redeeming activity in between.
~
I even ate right today... keeping clear of carbs and getting 20 min. on the Cybex.
~
Made a Doctor's appointment for Jan 30, 2012 which is two days prior the end of the FreshAyer ordeal, and it seems like the two months between here and then might be nice period of time to get my weight and blood pressure down through a little self denial and discipline.
~
This time, the only thing that I can guarantee is that I'll try.

Dump Etiquette

In a concerted effort to fend off the Thanksgiving Haze, I loaded up the the F150 for a much needed trip to the dump.,
~
The Marblehead Transfer Station, aka the Dump, is  a tight turnaround with a scale and a hydraulic packing unit that has a one car wide entrance.  In a perfect world, you would pull into the turnaround, neatly back up to the packing unit pit, efficiently dump your trash, and quickly drive away.
~
But at the Marblehead Dump... it's not a freaking perfect world.
~
It could be though, if people would only practice some simple dump etiquette. 

• Like when you back up to the hydraulic pit, get out of your vehicle promptly and get to the business of dumping your crap.  
• And you may want to move a little faster than a snail with the flu while you discard your trash from your vehicle. 
• And you should refrain from striking up a neighborly conversation in between throwing your trash while other people, aka me, are waiting patiently to use the pit.
• And when you're done dumping your shit, you really shouldn't stay at the pit to sweep your BMW station wagon clean and dust free while parked at the pit.
• And when you're done taking up my time, while you primp and preen your dumping experience.... it would be nice if you moved your ass just a tad quicker to get back into your soccer mom bus and pull the hell out of the pit area.

Listen Asshole....
Your didn't lease some time at the freaking dump pit.  It's not like your timeshare in Cabo.   Get the Phuck In and get the Phuck Out and stop wasting my Phucking TIME!
~
I love to go to the Dump.  You meet the nicest people.... and they meet you.

Dysfunctional Family

I heard a comment made the other day about dysfunctional families.  Something about how she didn't know any family that wasn't dysfunctional in some way.
~
Peeps... I don't want to go all spiritual and metaphysical on you.... but I am 99.99% positive that we are not placed in this peculiar DNA arrangement on an isolated spinning planet to be "functional".  This existance is a challenge issued by the omnipotent Universal Force (aka God) to experience particular circumstances in the Earth medium. 
~
We don't experience the challenges by being "functional".
~
The "dysfunctional" part is the one thing that makes sense of it all.
~
So embrace your own version of "dysfunctional".   Everybody has it and yours is here for your own unique God given reasons for you to work on.   And above all, never be embarassed about your Dysfunctional Family.  Anybody who looks down on you are just trying to deny how phucked up that they, themselves, really are.
~
And BTW... if this doesn't fit into the constraints of traditional Christian, Jewish, Muslm, etc. faith... take a look at it.  Change the names to fit the boxes that you believe in, and you might end up agreeing with me.


Tuna Lips said...

That there is some deep shit yer shov'lin.

POTW Week 47

A slow day... the day after Thanksgiving.  Because we are so blessed, we had way too much to eat causing a sluggish, passifying, general feeling of inertia.  But we're  not going so slow that we can't live up to our responsibilities.
~
In many ways, this week is the most important of the year for practicing Nanepashemet Peeps.....  what with the inspirational yet annoying night before Bash with it's overindulgence, baudiness and lack of good taste all rolled into one raucous night of celebration.
~
I do enjoy it so.
~
ANNOUNCING....
Nanepashemet Peeps of the Week for the 47th week of 2011

Kerry D'Orio
Brendt D'Orio (Automatic Lagavulin Rule)
Maria Rowen (Automatic Lagavulin Rule)
Mark Vona (Automatic Lagavulin Rule)
Will Crawford
Brady Boyle

So another Bash goes into the record books.  It was the first at the Sundance House and won't be the last.  Next year, we welcome back the prodical son to this most solemn and esteemed occasion.

Inspirational Automatic Action

I know that many of you are wondering about the Bash aftermath since there were no incidents that would induce a police report.
~
Suffice it to say that the Bash was a total, absolute, unequivocal success. 
~
How else would you describe it when three classy Peeps came forward with the ultimate token of appreciation... the gift of Lagavulin 16 year old Single Malt Scotch?
~
Since Tommy O had made the gesture a few days earlier, four bottles graced out countertop by the end of the evening.   Maria Rowen had made the initial gift, but since it was gift wrapped and presented in a nonpretentious fashion by leaving it on the counter, I didn't realize her gift until after she had left.   Thank you so much Maria.  You are certainly worthy of your Automatic Peep of the Week status.
~
Brendt D'Orio was next to show up graced with the King.  We also gave him his first glass and he had a nice response.   Then Mark Vona, coach/teacher/exceptional fisherman, walked in with an additional bottle of the King.  Pure class  shown by Brendt and Mark, and I will gratefully bestow your Automatic designation in the next few days. 
~
So we have completely restored our Lagavulin stock though the truly inspirational actions of Maria, Tommy, Mark and Brendt.
~
I am almost moved to tears.

Maria Rowen said...
Ah...Achieving the Automatic...Can a Peep ever portend to pretend that POTW is not the highest of all honors?...No...We all covet the consideration. So today let's give thanks to the King of Scotch, the MoaM and the Queen of last night's Culinary Cabaret...Joanne...November 23, 2011.

Final Bash Prep

Tommy O dropped by last night with the tent and two gallons of his brother's award winning Bobby Byrnes Clam Chowder.  We set up the 10' x 10' tent on the deck over the turkey fryer last night and it survived an inch of rain and some major wind gusts.
~
So this morning, I'm going to make the dough for the White Trash Balls, get to the Marblehead Post office to mail some certified public hearing notification letters, then over to the oral surgeon to extract that infected wisdom tooth.  On the way home from the Dentist, I'll pick up the ice and some firewood.
~
Then it will be limited activity until 5:30 PM when we fire up the turkey frier, cut the chicken wings, crack a beer and wait for you Peeps to show.
~
Soon the 2011 Night Before Thanksgiving Bash will be a hazy memory.

Jim L. said...

I'll check out the the Channel 7 news at 11. They usually have the spectacular stuff.

Homer Winslow - Dorys - circa 1880

Waterfront Offerings

Land Offerings

Pulling Teeth

A few weeks ago, I broke a crown in my lower left molar.   Not a big deal and I finally got to the dentist this morning.  One look in my mouth, and he uttered a large "WHOA!"
~
Peeps... although you may know me as a Mountain of a Man, even guys like me can get a little unnerved when your dentist gasps at the first glance at your choppers.
~
His prognosis????  Make an appointment with an oral surgeon and get your infected wisdom tooth extracted right away.... today if possible.  A call to the surgeon revealed that today wouldn't work, it would have to be tomorrow.
~
Don't these guys know that the Bash is tomorrow???? Maybe the the most hallowed calendar event of the year for Nanepashemet Peeps of all persuasions?  There are things in life that are a bit more important than a freaking impacted wisdom tooth.   Who will fry the wings?  Who will make dough for the White Trash Balls?  I have to believe that yanking a tooth in the morning shouldn't impede these more important responsibilities.
~
Once again.... I have to thank the Good Lord for blessing me with my superior Mountain of a Man abilities.  Go ahead and yank the tooth... and you might as well throw in a colonoscopy while you're at it.    It will take more than that to derail the 2011 Night Before Thanksgiving Bash.

WTB Protection

Can't say that this is a short work week because I got about a week's worth of work done yesterday in a highly productive 14 hours for Nanepashemet Telecom.
~
Let's just say that if I blew off today and tomorrow before the Thanksgiving Holiday, I wouldn't be giving it a moment's notice.
~
But we'll cover some details anyway during this pre-Bash period.   There is plenty of processing left due to all that productivity.
~
After that, all attention must be to Bash prep.  The rain forecast is no problem, because Tommy O is coming by with at 10' x 10' tent which will fit nicely on the deck.  This is crucial because you can't let the White Trash Balls get wet and soggy.