Cheeseburgers

Just in case you didn't know it, nothing satisfies Joanne and I more than cheeseburgers. I know I'm wide open on this, and there's no shortage of witty comebacks among the Peeps, so have at it. But the truth must be told.
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Cheeseburgers are central to life on Earth as we know it.
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Here's how I make mine.....
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Fire up the grill. Get it as hot as possible.
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While the grill is heating, take a pound of hamburger and place it in a mixing bowl.
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Sterilize your hands with Purell, then thoroughly wash them. I mean real clean. I don't know where the hell those hands have been. Even my own.
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Put some Parmesan grated cheese, parsley, Italian bread crumbs and soy sauce onto the meat in the mixing bowl. Mix thoroughly with your hands, then form four burgers. (Hence the clean hands requirement).
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Place the Burgers on the hot grill and leave them alone for four minutes. Turn them once and grill again for four minutes. For God Sakes... don't pat them with the spatula or anything. Just leave the freaking burgers alone on the grill.
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Then turn them one more time and put slices of your favorite cheese on. We like cheddar, but it really doesn't matter.
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Get some fresh, soft, hamburger rolls, open them up and place mayonaise and ketchup on both sides. Lay down a leaf of lettuce, place the burger, top on the cheese side with a slice of onion and tomato. Carefully place the top of the roll on the burger and press down to compact.
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When you eat it, don't make groaning noices and stuff. Everybody else knows how good it is, so keep the pleasureable sounds to yourself.