Roger That

Roger Clemens walked on a mistrial.
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Roger is an idiot, and if not for the uncanny ability to deliver a baseball at a high speed past a batter to a waiting catcher's mit, he would have had an uneventful and mediocre career as a truck driver delivering freight over our interstate highway system.
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Roger That!
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But instead, the Lord gave Roger a peculiar combination of sinew, tendons and muscles in his right arm that allowed him to pitch at a major league level.
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Clemens had a great career as a pitcher for our beloved Boston Red Sox, and when his career seemed over, he was traded to the Toronto Blue Jays and eventually made his way to the hated New York Yankees, where his career saw a miraculous resurgence.  Some of Roger's buddies on the Yankees say that steroids were in the mix, but Roger went before Congress and denied ever taking the banned physical enhancement substances.
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Congress?   Why the hell were you talking to Congress, Roger???? Oh Yeah, I forgot... you're an idiot.
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Now you're up for a contempt of Congress charge by lying blatantly to them that you never took steroids, when all of the evidence points that you regularly let Dipshits stick you in the ass with soringes that were filled with the naughty shit.
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Here's the thing...
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I could care less if you cheated using banned substances to extend your career.  That's stupid and you're stupid, and that's how those things tend to end up.  But you were caught lying to Congress, which never should have given a shit about anything you did.   That was up to the fans, and Major Leauge Baseball to regulate.... Not the frigging Federal Government.
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So for that reason, and that reason alone... I hope you walk.   I don't want to spend money to house you in the Federal Pen just because you are an idiot.