Pump the Purell

So many of you have asked me recently, "J.... How do you keep yourself so vigorous and healthy?" It's a worthy question...deserving of a thoughtful answer.
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It's true that I avoid the common cold much more than the rest of you mucus-laden, rhinovirus-carrying wheeze bags.
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My secret is to keep a good Purell anti-bacterial instant hand sanitizer close by at all times.... in my house, office and truck.
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Any time I handle coins or change... pump the Purell.
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Any time I pump gas... pump the Purell.
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Anytime I scratch myself in private territory... pump the Purell.
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Any time I shake hands... pump the Purell as soon as you can.
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Also, I also never miss a chance to take a mouthful of Listerine and swish it around.
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So that's how I stay sniffle free. I may seem like a dirty old man, but in reality, I'm as germ free as possible without being weird about it.