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The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding,
subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are the winners:
1 Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which
renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3 Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which
lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4 Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5 Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that
stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately,
shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6 Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the
purpose of getting laid
7 Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8 Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit
and the person who doesn't get it.
9 Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are
running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
(This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off
all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and
it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n): The grueling event of getting through the
day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem
smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just
after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that
gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and
cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half
a worm in the fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning
submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply
alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:
1 Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2 Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering
how much weight one has gained.
3 Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat
stomach.
4 Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5 Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6 Negligent, adj. Absent mindedly answering the door when
wearing only a nightgown.
7 Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8 Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9 Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone
who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by
proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with
Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the
soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts
worn by Jewish men.
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