Self Control

So I'm feeling a little guilty because I XC skied on the groomed trails behind our condominium without picking up a pass.
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After checking the web on how to obtain a pass, I find out that North Conway residents and taxpayers are supposed to have a free pass.
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You would think that I was applying for a visa to Afganistan by the loser counter geek at Ragged Mountain Sports where you are supposed to pick up the passes. After showing him a Town of Conway correspondence that was addressed to Joanne, he asked if that was my name.
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Naturally, I kept my cool.
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I said "No, that's my spouse. See the address? It's the same address as mine on the license that I'm showing you."
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Captain Dipshit took a least two minutes studying the license and the letter, then he said that I needed a current bill from the Town.
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Again, I maintained my kind and courteous disposition.
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I asked him to look us up on the web. We are taxpayers in Conway and have been for 15 years.
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Seeing that I wasn't going to leave, our Moron of the Hour pulled out a printout of taxpayers, and lo and behold, there was Joanne's name. So he says, "It says Joanne and not John."
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Now, I disclosed a tiny bit that I was starting to get annoyed by this useless sack of monkey shit, and I asked him if I should just get a pass for Joanne.
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Lieutenant Dork then opined that it seemed like he could give me a pass, but that the internet was wrong and that it would cost $15.00.
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Now I was downright pissed, and required all of the self control that I could muster, because this Asshole deserves to have his head ripped off so that I can wipe his ass with his own face.
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But again, I exhibited appropriate restraint.
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Mega Dink took my picture with a polaroid camera and laminated a freaking season's pass, handing it to me and wishing me a nice day.
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So Captain Dipshit, enjoy your bureaucratic powerhouse position as Bitch of the XC Trail passes.
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I pray to GOD to find you alone out on the groomed course.

X-C Test

We made the escape to North Conway this weekend. The snow is deeper than I ever remember it, so I strapped on the XC skis and hauled my bulk over the frozen trails. After four miles of vigorous slipping and sliding, I had only fallen four times, giving me a wipe out per mile ratio of 1.0 WO/M.
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That is a metric that I am trying to improve upon.
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I was surprised how tired I was, and drenched with sweat in the single digit temps, after a relatively short distance. I guess that's bad.
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The good part is that my left knee (the one that Wojcik screwed up by giving me faulty advice) held up really well, paving the way for a serious attempt at the Marine Marathon, where my arch rival, Joe Collins will again know how it feels to be defeated atheletically by non other than myself.

POTW Week 7

Every once and awhile, one of you pathetic Peeps sends me an email, asking why I get so aggravated and irritable.
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If you read the earlier shit from Piscatelli and McMahon, you'd see how hard it is to be me.
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With friends like that... who needs Al Queda???
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ANNOUNCING....
Nanepashemet Peeps of the Week for Week 7 of 2008

• Courtney Nestor
• Pat Piscatelli
• Tommy McMahon
• Jim Peabody
• Katelyn Nestor
• Kim Dunn

BTW... I got a nice email from a Peep out of Newport News, VA today who wanted tips on building a Marblehead Chamberlain Gunning Dory. I almost forgot that I was a boatbuilder. Thanks for the reality check. Time to get back into the garage.

Tuna Lips said...

I applaud yer return to your garage roots. That garage is a place where a man can do some thinking, and the epoxy and lacquer essences can put your mind on a God plane of knowing things.

Winter time too. I tells you what, grasshopper, you get that cat in there to russle up some varmints. Aimin' to hone your arts of war? Then have a snort or three of clear likker and sit in that fume hood. You watch that cat hunt them field mice, and you shall see the face of God. Pilgrim, I kid you not. But dont put on Burt Bacharach's Greatest Hits and start rummaging through the missus clothing storage. The EMTs told me I nearly asphyxiated myself in those panty hose and pumps. Not good.

Integration of Microsoft Access and Project.

I'm pretty happy with what Nanepashemet Telecom has accomplished with Microsoft Access. It has proven to be highly effective in communicating site by site progress using both data and graphics.
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There still is a need, for the uninitiated, to believe that Microsoft Project is most effective for managing projects of this kind. It is very unwieldly and hard to enter data on a massive site by site basis. Yet, a MS Project Gantt chart always gives the customer a warm and fuzzy feeling that you are on top of the details of their project.
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My goal is to create a linking Excel speadsheet that ties project data both to the presentation assets of Access and the detailing assets of Project.
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Incredibly, I haven't found a computer textbook that addresses this subject, yet I can see a clear need, and the process doesn't seem to be too difficult. I would need one or two days to devote exclusively to the problem, which is the constraining factor for me.

Piscatelli said....

Get Elsier to call McLellan. If it can be done, he can tell you how.

How about these dill hole congressmen beating up on Clemens? I don't like Rog, but c'mon, is this necesssary? This would happen to no one else. Here, its not about the sin, its about the sinner, which is ass backwards. Its a press event. Nothing else. Glad Congress has the whole subprime thing figured out and our global presence is firm enough that we can take time to address the important societal concerns of a private industry involving a wicked tiny part of the population. These guys would be ISO reps. Take it from me, I was one. Jeez.

Pisc

McMahon said....

J.

I would like to know what the man of all men gets his ladyfriend, Joanne, for Valentine's day.

So literally a half hour ago I came accross your daughter at the Boston Sports Club. I asked her about her Valentine's day plans, to which she replied she had none. So I thought I might ask her to be my Valentine. She quickly and harshly refused my request. So she would rather have no Valentine than be my Valentine. She couldn't even show some pitty and say yes even if she didn't mean it. You would think a former Peep of the Year would have all sorts of Valentine's offers and Peep groupies. Go figure.

-McMahon

Choice of Candidates

I'm thinking that the candidates for President will be John McCain and Barach Obama. In fact, I'm hopeing that this is the case.
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I can't really stomach another Clinton Presidency, with all of the rationalizations and double talk. They are just so disingenuous. Plus, it always bothered me that Clinton's intern was the same age as my daughter at the time. "I did not have sex with that woman, Monica Lewinsky."
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Sure Bill... I'm sure that Joanne would believe me when I told her that a blow job wasn't sex.
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Which brings me to the Obama candidacy. Hillary's theme has been that he isn't qualified. Who the hell is??? And what the hell did she ever do, besides cut a deal with that horny husband of hers???? The President has to be a leader, not a bureaucrat or a rationalizing double talker. The President should inspire. I believe that Obama can do this.
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This isn't to say that I'm on the Obama bandwagon. I'd like him to beat out Hillary to take her out of the game. Then I'll make my choice between McCain and Obama.

Tuna Lips said...

I smells me a race traitor.

Look, Grandpa has a Kwanza present for little Will. Its a doo rag and Glock 9. Now let's hold hands and sing 'Swing Low' aoround the tribal spears.

How friggin' quaint.

Jesus, give thems eyes to see.

Battles Lines Drawn

Joe Collins has taken the bait.
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He's agreed to meet me on the field of honor... the Marine Corps Marathon in Arlington, VA on October 26, 2008.
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I hope, that with the prayers and well wishes of all of you Peeps, that I will be injury free to train for this epic encounter. But, if you can't pray and well wish, at least don't taunt and ridicule.
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With any luck, we can lure others, such as Bob Wojcik, or even Bob Towne, to test their skills in this battle of the Titans. As it is, with just Collins and myself, it should be quite a media event. If any more of you Peeps are up for the challenge, you have plenty of time to prepare for your pathetic attempt, but you better start now.
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I know what your are thinking.... "Now he'll never finish the Chamberlain Marblehead Gunning Dory!" .... Please.... Just stop the panic and whining.
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No need for shallow thinkers to have a field day. I have it all under control. Your precious Dory will be built according to schedule..... by a boatbuilder preparing for marathoning glory.

Apocalypto

I had big plans to accomplish a lot of little picky things this afternoon, but then I started watching Mel Gibson's "Apocalypto". Pretty brutal look at the pre-Columbian Mayan culture. The way they were depicted, they deserved everything the Spanish could do to them.
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Whether or not Gibson is accurate, he is a hell of a director. Too bad he had that Anti-Semitic brain fart. That is a shadow on huge talent.
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Tuna Lips said...

Makes him all the more favored by this native son. Be he a papist, though. And calling the dame playin' police woman 'sugar tits', well that is down right folksy.

Cut the Carbs

The no-carbs diet method really works. And you feel better when you are on it. A number of years ago, I lost over 20 lbs. when I went on it, with no exercise at the time.
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But then, pizza, beer, and pasta entered my life again.
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I was happy, but the bulk returned.
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Now I'm going to combine no carbs with a dedicated routine of riding the Cybex. By the end of February, my goal is to feel a little more room in my pants, and no pain in my left knee. (The knee that I screwed up by listening to the advise of the insidious Wojcik !!!)
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As soon as I can run without pain, I'll rededicate to another marathon attempt, maybe the Marine Corps Marathon next October in Wash. DC. With any luck, Wojcik or Collins might be tempted to run as well, giving me a chance to feed them my dust.
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The challenge will be to prevent business swings from taking priority over time to execise. And cash flow problems always seem to propel me to the comfort of a large kettle of macaroni and cheese. If business stays good, I should be fine.

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Tuna Lips said...

I take great pride in keeping myself fit. As a ladies man, I must be in prime form at all times, able to react with cat-like agility when the damsels need some "TL-C", heh heh heh. It can be a burden at times, there being only one TL to goes around, but I am one fer believin the Almighty nodes that TL is but a man, and showing mercy on me. That's whycome I find some ladies cringe at the sight of me, it being Jesus carrying me on the beach, wherein there is only one set of footprints, so I might take a rest from being the TL that the world knowds. And yes, chicks also dig me because I am deep.

Renewed Resolve

Wojcik is right!!!
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I looked at my workout record, and it is rediculous. It doesn't show that I'm getting in shape... it's barely evidence that I'm alive!!!!
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If I told you that I had an excuse, would that matter??? Course not! You fair-weather, one-way, single-minded pathetic and impertinent Peeps.
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At any rate, now that Nanepashemet Telecom has finally gotten legs, I'm going to spend a little time trying to eat right and exercise daily. It's time to turn this heaving mass of protoplasm into its proper state of Greek-god-like, sculpted flesh and muscle.
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Plus, Joe Collins dropped 25 lbs and actually looks pretty good.

Club Smackdown

It was the Boston Yacht Club v. Oakley Country Club smackdown last night as Joanne and I brought Joe Collins and his longtime squeeze, Michelle, to the BYC for dinner.
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Joe is on the Board of Directors at Oakley, and I'm not even a Junior Assistant Commodore at BYC, but we still held our own.
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Next time, we'll pit the Oakley v. the Gerry 5 Volunteer Firemen's Association.

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J. Collins said...
My favorite part of the night was when Joanne said "You're still good looking, you're still hot !"Michelle said "Jay better not be Commodore or he will have to buy an Escalade" (like the present Commodore!)Nice to see you've joined the Yachting class ! I'm going to have to tell Towne that you dazzled us with your new Club !

POTW - Week 6

Remember the "Paradoxical Commandments that I published a short while ago?

My favorites were...

People really need help, but may attack you if you do help them. Help them anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you have anyway.

So true.

ANNOUNCING....

Nanepashemet Peeps of the Week for the 6th week of 2008

• Joanne Nestor
• Joe Collins
• Bill Campbell
• Pam Ward
• Eli Manning
• Lauren Rathbone

Tomorrow, maybe I'll kick some ass for shits and giggles.

Marketing Strategy

We have a meeting with one of our largest customers today, and will be bringing a liberal amount of Nanepashemet coffee mugs to give out.
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The marketing strategy is that a mug that costs about $2.50 will stimulate recognition of our company, which will result in millions of dollars in sales. It's like buying lunch for someone, but the lunch has your logo on it and never leaves the customer's desk. And, it doesn't spoil.
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Plus people like getting free stuff, as long as it's good quality. They love T-shirts, golf shirts and mugs. The beauty of the mugs is that one size fits all. Some people won't wear a baseball cap, but sooner or later everyone drinks from a mug.
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So we have these mugs with our killer logo on them.
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Can't wait for the strategy to kick in.