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Saturday, December 08, 2012

Working Out Workouts

So many of you Peeps have been asking me about my workouts at the Marblehead-Salem YMCA lately.... what's the big deal?   How can my workout routine be of any possible consequence to any of you???
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But I know that if I don't tell you, the whining and stupid annoying questions will keep up until they reach a roaring crescendo of mammothly irritating proportion.
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So here's what has been going on at the Y.
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At first the staff people were really nice and friendly to me.  Smiling and pretending to think my jokes and quips were funny and stuff.   But slowly their attitude has been changing to the point where they are now downright antagonistic and hostile.
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Peeps...  Is is my fault that their cheesy exercise machines can't keep up with my pace???  The treadmills are just too damn slow and the elliptical machines start to smoke and make funny noices after just a couple of hours on them.  And the bike pedals are all bent and twisted after just one Mountain of a Man pedal session.  Plus, they don't have enough weight on the barbells to give me any challenge whatsoever.
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So after just one morning workout, with the machines all bent, smoking and twisted, the Y staff gets all huffy and stuff. 
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So, being considerate to the feelings of others, I turned my attention to the pool for a little swimming workout.   The lifeguard seemed cheerful enough when I asked her for a lap lane to be assigned to me.
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Right off the bat, I get yelled at for using my signature cannonball entry into the pool.  Ms. Prissy Lifeguard didn't like a little splash coming her way it seemed.   Then, once I settle into my favorite stroke, the Australian Crawl, she starts all pointing and yelling at me.  I can't help it if my wake starts to wash everyone else to the side of the pool... and contrary to her curse words, those bubbles coming from my ass are not from farting.  It 's just the way the water courses past my body apertures and has nothing to do with internal gas.
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So there you have it.
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I can't workout with the machines, and have been banned from the pool.  And none if it is my fault.  Then, the people at the front desk whisper and snarl as I leave their precious YMCA.
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That's how my workouts are working out.

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