Just as my blood pressure was starting to ease down after this God Awful political setback to the Mountain of a Man, I get this incredibly annoying Friday afternoon email that has me brimming with consternation and pretty irritated too.
Dear Mr. Nestor-
I apologize for contacting you directly, I would assume that a man of your stature has significant demands on your time; however, I couldn’t located the contact information for the people that manage your public affairs matters.
I realize that Election Day has passed and that it could reasonably be expected that all campaigning has stopped, however, the Beer League hockey season has just begun and our stumping never stops. As I understand you now have two of your progeny on the upstart Nucks team, I wanted to check in with you and ensure that the (original) Brickyard Mooseknuckles will remain the Official Has-Been Hockey team of Nanepashemet. The Nucks may be younger, they may be better and they may be more successful, but I’m not sure that they encapsulate everything people like us have worked so hard to accumulate; age, girth, fatty livers. Those are three things that I can promise you we bring to the rink week-in and week-out. We will never fail to bring our fat asses to the rink, unless of course we go straight to the bar or have fallen asleep on the couch.
I appreciate your continued support.
Big Ass Bank in Boston.
Peeps... if you were a Mountain of a Man like myself.... how would you respond to this pathetic plea for a perpetual place in posterity???? Does Mr. "Has Been Marblehead Hockey Great" Brian think that the designation of a Nanepashemet Official Endorsement can ever be lessened or tarnished? Who does he think the MOAM is ??? Lance Armstrong or someone????
I could go off the deep end, but it's time for a little composure....
Brian, the Hindus have shown us that the Universe maintains a sacred tome called the Akashic Records. Once something as important as a Nanepashemet Official Endorsement has been set down, it is engraved in the Akashic Records and can never be erased.
And by the way, many a Boilermaker was downed at the DiFillipo's Brickyard establishment that used to be called the 50 Club by the MOAM before you strapped on your first pair of skates, so maintain the proper respect. We didn't need a freaking hockey game as an excuse to exact a bit of euphoria in those hallowed halls.
I'm pretty sure that's hit the Akashic Records too.
The Mooseknuckles remain the OFFICIAL HAS-BEEN HOCKEY TEAM of NANEPASHEMET.
Now I have to rest.