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for Nanepashemet Peeps of all Persuasions.

Sunday, February 07, 2010

Moderation and the Six Step Method

Many of the posts in this venerable yet pathetic Blog deal with alcohol.
  • The Classic Winter Cocktail
  • Dark and Stormies
  • Lagavulin
  • Guinness and Sam Adams
But Peeps.... Don't get me wrong...
These beverages are delicious to drink and generally lead to a mild buzz if that.  
I don't recommend that you go to bars and pound these down until you are so phucked up that you can't remember your home address.  
Then when you get someone to drive them to your home, you bring them to the wrong freaking house after climbing a long winding natural stone decorative staircase, ring the bell for about five minutes then admit that this isn't your house after all.  Since no police show up and charge you with trespassing, you mosey on down the street.
Then when you finally stagger to your house, you have no idea where the keys are and start pissing over the railing. 
Then when your irate girlfriend texts you that the key is in the mailbox and that she is not your phucking babysitter, you stagger into the house and almost cascade down the open staircase.
Then your driver finally finds the bedroom, aims you for the mattress and gets the hell out of your house.
This is something that I don't recommend.  In all seriousness, it's fine to have fun, but know your limits.
There were so many things that could have gone wrong with this drive home, and I'll be thinking twice before driving anyone again who can't remember their freaking address.

Lessons Learned.
1.  Before you haul someone out of the pub to your truck, get their address, perferably from their drivers license.
2.  Check them for their house keys and take possession of them.
3.  Only after these two steps should you guide them off of the stool and towards the door.
4.  Avoid winding staircases with precipitous drops.
5.  Prepare to be aggravated beyond all human endurance.
6.  Don't go down to the Pub in the first place and avoid this whole freaking mess.

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